“Belief in one’s self is the key to unlocking one’s potential and inviting possibilities.” —Jostine Bulan
Five minutes ago before I wrote this blog entry, I just finished reading the inspirational book of Jostine Bulan, Thank Goodness I Got Lost. It was one of the best books I have ever read in my life. It was as if the book was written for me. My connection with the book was so real that reading some parts it in brought tears in my eyes—because I know how she felt during those dark times.
Jostine Bulan is a local author by the way. I got her book as an advance birthday gift from my friend. My friend doubted for a moment that I may not like the book because it is not my genre. Yes, it is indeed not my genre as I am more on the fiction side, on the YA side, but I told her that I will surely love it because I love reading the books that were given to me. And I was not wrong. It was a page-turner book. I couldn’t even put it down! Yeap, that’s how hooked I am to it.
Thank Goodness I Got Lost is an inspirational book on discovering yourself, your authentic self. It tells us that it is okay to get lost in our life, to get lost while looking for our purpose in this world because getting lost means that we will surely appreciate the destination we will reach upon finding the right track again. Hardships, doubts, uncertainties are part of our life as it will shape us of who we will become once we find the light.
What struck me the most in this book is about how we should believe in ourselves. Trust and belief is indeed a big word, and when we lose our trust and belief to other people, it takes a great toll and in earning it again. But the biggest and most heartbreaking moment is losing the trust and belief we had in ourselves. All the possibilities we imagined in our life will turn into dust. The bridge that we build for ourselves toward our dreams will crumble into pieces, letting us fall into the pit of darkness.
As I had written before in my past entries, I was once depressed way back in 2016. Although that year was full of surprises and great blessings, it was one of my depressing and darkest times. I graduated with the highest honors in our school yet society begged me to follow the trend. I am a girl who set up high standards for herself. Through those high standards, my sturdiness wavered by society’s standards. Because of it, the eyes of acquaintances, relatives, and friends would ask and tell me, “What do you want to be?” “You must get a high-paying job because you graduated with the magna cum laude honor!” “You must be in the best industry as you are an intelligent girl.”
They may not spoke those words to me, but I know by heart they were disappointed at me for what I had become on the first few months after graduating. I became a home-based freelance copyeditor, which gave me great experience. But I seek more. I applied to multiple companies but came home rejected. It came to the point that rejection doesn’t scare me, doesn’t bend me, and doesn’t affect me any longer.
But before I got immune to rejection, the scariest thing happened to me—I stopped believing in myself.
I shut down everyone around me. I shut down all the possibilities I can do with my life. I shut down all the positivity I once fed my mind and heart. I shut down. Just like Jostine, I succumb to the negative voices in my head; I succumb to darkness.
My depression became worse as time goes by. But I tried to hold still and keep on praying. I don’t inflict pain to myself physically, but I did psychologically.
I have come to the point where I asked myself, “Who am I?”
And because I don’t have anyone with me to talk about my problems, I cope up with it by myself. I picked up my broken self. I dusted off myself. I stood up again and started believing in myself. I do it slowly, baby steps.
Just like Jostine, I killed myself: my old self.
I immersed myself to become positive. Whenever I hear the faint negative voice in my head speaking, I flick it away by busying myself with stuff like journaling, writing stories, and repairing myself. I then realized that God indeed has plans for me although I may have thought that He didn’t.
Right now, I am so much glad that I had repaired my broken self. I am so grateful that finally, I am genuinely happy to where I am now. Looking back, I could say that yes, I am indeed thankful that I got lost for sometime because now I have appreciated the place to where I’ve reached.
The delay of things in our life is a chance to repair ourselves, to experiment things, and to learn life lessons that will become useful to our future self. It may be difficult to shift to another gear, to change our old ways, to seek for a new self, but doing so brings forth new possibilities we thought is impossible before.
Let us shine our beautiful, unique light!
I recommend this book to everyone. A must-read book. I’m sure you couldn’t put it down as well just like me.
You can find Jostine in WordPress and perhaps order her book from her page: https://jostinebulan.wordpress.com/
To Jostine, thank you for inspiring me to continue in believing in myself and thank you for sharing your story to us. Continue to inspire other people. Godspeed!